Walking with Domestic Abuse Sufferers by Helen Thorne

Author:Helen Thorne
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781783595969
Publisher: SPCK
Published: 2017-11-20T05:00:00+00:00

Changing clothes

The actual process of change set out in the Bible can be found in Ephesians 4:22–24:

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Paul keeps things simple. He gives us no complex psychological models here. He simply talks about transformation being like changing our clothes.

In the midst of our pain, and in the light of our calling and the generosity of God (that he sets out in the earlier chapters of Ephesians), we should all take a look at our hearts and our behaviour. We can identify desires that are wayward. In the power of God, we can increasingly choose to address the things that are going astray. We can bring our minds under his glorious and gentle truth and, in so doing, begin to think differently about God and ourselves. As a result, we can go on to be the people that Jesus is calling us to be: more beautiful in our desires and more godly in our behaviour.

I received counselling for years and nothing changed. My counsellor poured comfort and love into my life, but always told me that what I needed most was for my abuser to change. In part, she was right. My abuser did need to change! And I did need the comfort and love that flowed from the pages of Scripture. But she left out something important. She left out the bit about me needing to change too. That kept me trapped for years. It wasn’t until a pastor gently challenged me that things began to improve. Gradually, I began to realize that I viewed my abuser as more powerful than God. I began to see that I was believing my own view of myself rather than God’s. I had become so used to being a victim that I didn’t really have any aspiration to be anything else. I came to realize that I had to set those lies aside. I had to begin to believe what the Bible said about God, his world and me. When I started to believe what was true, I started to seek change – for myself and for the rest of my family.

Overall, gospel change is a process that can help people move from believing God is inert to seeing his sovereignty in all its glory, as their eyes are opened to the kingship of Jesus. It’s a process that can help people move from believing they are worthless to seeing they are precious in God’s sight, as they revel in the wonder of the cross. It’s a process that can help people move from trapped to transformed as they wrestle with what it means to have a Good Shepherd who is leading them forward.

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